


I Hate Myself For Loving You

by queerahkiin



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Established Kara Danvers/Cat Grant, F/F, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Smut, a little bit of fluff at the end kind of, literally trying to tag everything lmao, mentions of Kara/Lena
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-18 16:47:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9394277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queerahkiin/pseuds/queerahkiin
Summary: Cat has had it and Kara needs to realise who she's coming home to, if she even comes home at all. i still suck at summaries lmao





	1. this isn't about you

**Author's Note:**

> first, lemme just say i got sucked into Supergirl once i heard Katie McGrath was involved. i immediately started shipping Karlena because yes Katie McGrath should kiss girls always and kiss Kara yes but then i fell head first into SuperCat and wow. I've got a Karlena fic in the works to make up for this sort of Lena bashing, i promise.
> 
> title credit to Joan Jett & The Blackhearts, listen to the song so you get my vibe~
> 
> any mistakes are my own, edited the best i possibly could
> 
> edit: i decided make this into a little two chapter fic! check back later to see how the morning after goes ;D

Her eyes are swollen and red, she’s sure her mascara is half way down her cheeks by now. She wants to stand and fix her appearance but she can’t get herself to move. She just sits in the darkness, staring at the door in front of her. The clock on the wall to her right chimes loudly, indicating it was a new hour, filling the empty house with something other than aggression. She grinds her teeth together, her jaw clenching and unclenching as she does so. She swallows hard, attempting to keep down the bile that’s been inching it’s way up her throat. 

Several clicks and a hush sweep of pressure change from the door, a woman stumbles through. She aggressively wipes at her lips, trying to regain feeling in them, and drops her keys on the table next to the door. She kicks the shoes off her feet and quietly closes the door behind her. She locks the bottom lock and stops herself from locking the second.

“Kara,” the woman’s voice is hoarse and causes her heart to drop, “Kara, where were you?” 

She quickly locks the top lock and turns around, pressing her back against the now secured surface. 

A sharp intake of breath, “Cat,” Kara warns, stuffing her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket, “I told you. I was out with the guys.” 

Cat lets out a single, cold laugh. “You’re not stupid, darling,” she hisses, standing from the stair, “and neither am I. Where were you?”

Kara runs her fingers through her hair, shifting the weight on her feet, “I was-”

Cat descends from the stairs, leaning forward as she hits the bottom floor. Kara goes to open her mouth and sighs. Cat just nods harshly, crossing her arms over chest, completely aware of the answer. 

“If you expect this to work out,” she gestures at the space between them, “you would respect me and be honest.” Kara stays silent, not sure what to say. Cat scoffs, rolling her eyes at the woman in front of her.

“You’re fucking unbelievable, you know?” She turns around, going back up the stairs, leaving Kara behind her. 

Immediately, Kara reaches out for her hand, only grabbing the air, “Baby.”

Cat stops, her hand tightens on the railing on her left. “Do not call me that,” she says through her teeth, “you have no right.” 

“I love you,” Kara whispers, tears welling up in her eyes. She did, she truly loved Cat. She wasn’t exactly sure how she got here, how she managed to fuck up so bad and fall so hard. It was simple drinking on friday nights with her friends, Cat didn’t mind. It wasn’t until she was out until 3am the next morning, coming home obliterated. It wasn’t until she answered Kara’s phone. It wasn’t until she noticed the stains on her shirt. 

“No,” Cat seethes, “no you don’t. If you fucking did, you wouldn’t be sleeping with someone else.” 

Kara bites her lips closed, thinking over her words carefully. “Lena doesn’t mean anything to me, Cat.” Spinning around and putting her hands on her hips, Cat purses her lips, waiting to hear this explanation. “I swear, Lena is nothing. I love you, you’re all I can ever think of. It’s just our schedules are conflicting and I didn’t know what else to do.” 

“Conflicting schedules doesn’t mean you should go get your rocks off with someone else, Kara, and you know that.” She’s furious, practically steaming. It would be one thing if Kara were with anyone other than a Luthor. Seriously? 

Kara huffs, thumbing the hem of her shirt to break some of the tension. It’s not like she could pull the “Kryptonian hunger can count for libido too” card, Cat would see right through it. 

“You’re so selfish, you know that?” Cat’s lip curls into a snarl, “you broke my heart and you can’t even acknowledge that. You knew how closed off I was to even start the relationship, but you worked at me. Little by little you chipped my walls away and I thought you would cherish the woman I rarely let anyone see. You stole my pride from me and no one has ever done that before.” 

Kara winces, guilt finally suckerpunching her in the gut. Why didn’t she recognise this earlier when it would’ve been easier to explain? Cat turns back around on the stairs and fights the tears threatening to fall again, determined to never shed another tear over Supergirl again. She leaves Kara in the foyer, undecided on what to do next. She shouldn’t continue to fight for her, it’s a waste of her energy. She shouldn’t continue to get angry over her, or continue to be disappointed because of her actions. 

As Cat reached the top of the stairs, she has an idea. The best idea she could possibly have right now.

“Do you want to make it up to me?” she asks Kara, staring at the her through the darkness.

“I would do anything,” Kara croaks, her voice breaking, “anything you want.”

Through clenched jaw, Cat clears her throat and suffocates anything and everything inside of her. “Good. Go to the bedroom.”

Kara holds her breath, hoping she hear that right. Cat offers no further explanation and the soft sound of her feet on hardwood reverberate through Kara’s chest. Without further thought, Kara climbs the staircase and follows after her, hopefully still, girlfriend and follows her instructions.

The bedroom light is off and Kara can hear Cat’s slow breathing through the wall to the bathroom attached to their shared room. She sits on her designated side of the bed, the side facing the door so she could protect Cat if anything happened in the middle of the night. 

“This must be part of it,” Kara mumbles to herself, trying to piece together Cat’s redemption plan for her.

Cat switches the lights on, standing in the bathroom doorway in her favourite black lace bra and underwear set. Her eyes are cold as they stare into Kara’s, chilling her from the inside out. “I haven’t even started,” Cat snarls as she advances toward Kara. 

Kara isn’t sure whether she wants to break into tears again or hold it together, which would be a better situation for her here? A thick swallow later, she decides to steel herself and follow along with whatever Cat tells her.

Cat’s hand caresses Kara’s cheek delicately before she grabs Kara’s jaw and forces her to look at her. “Did she do this?” Cat asks, slamming her mouth against Kara’s, opening and closing it as she kisses her roughly. She slips her tongue past Kara’s teeth, licking against her tongue and biting down on Kara’s bottom lip. 

She pulls away suddenly, wiping her mouth from any saliva that remained, as she takes in Kara’s puffy lips. 

“Did she make you look like that?” Cat throws her left leg over Kara’s hips, straddling the younger woman, “Did she sit on you like this, let you grab her ass and grind into her like you do with me?” 

Cat forces both of Kara’s hands to take each cheek into her hands, making her squeeze, as she rolls her hips into Kara. The woman underneath her whimpers at the contact, wanting to meet Cat with each thrust but she holds herself together. Cat leans in closer, pressing open mouthed kisses into Kara’s throat, making sure to drag her teeth against her skin as she goes further down.

“Did she find out that your neck is your weak spot? Did she pay attention to it like I do?” Kara wants to tell her no, she wants to say that Lena Luthor didn’t do anything that Cat does, nor would she ever, but Cat doesn’t want to hear that. 

She forces Kara’s shirt up and yanks it off her body, ripping the navy blue bra off along with it. She moves her hands from Kara’s on her ass and pinches Kara’s nipple between her thumb and forefinger. 

“Did she know how you like your tits played with, Kara?” Cat husks, pulling the nipple causing Kara to moan out loud, “Did she know that you’re not as delicate as you look?” 

Kara shakes her head no, leaning her head on Cat’s shoulder as the older woman tormented her. 

“Oh, you didn’t tell her your secret either?” Cat feigns surprise, “she doesn’t know that she got the privilege to fuck Supergirl, does she?” 

“Fuck, Cat-,” Kara starts, “no, she doesn’t know. She doesn’t mean anything to me, why would I tell her?”

Cat pushes Kara onto the bed and latches her mouth onto the nipple she was previously twisting and bites down. She pulls the button on Kara’s jeans apart and fingers the waistband of her boyshorts. Kara tangles her fingers in Cat’s hair, holding her against her breast. 

“We didn’t do this,” Kara gasps as Cat rolls her tongue across her chest to pay equal attention to the other nipple, “Lena didn’t do this to me.” 

Cat lifts her head up and smirks, “You are mine, Kara. Kara Danvers and Kara Zor-El. Both of your personalities, they are mine.”

Cat’s hand slips under the waistband and presses the pad of her fingertips against the Kryptonian’s clit, Kara lifting up her hips as she does to get more contact. 

“Was it slow?” She asks, drawing circles around the hardening bundle of nerves, “did she drag it out? Make sure you savoured every touch and tingle she gave you?” 

“N-no,” Kara stutters, “it wasn’t anything like-”

Cat cuts her off by pushing a single finger inside of her. She feels Kara instinctively clench around the digit and sets her pace slow, doing exactly what she just asked. She pulls Kara’s jeans down a bit with her other hand, giving her better access.

“Rao,” Kara moans, her own hand reaching down to help Cat. Cat grabs her and pins it back where it was, “Cat, please.”

“Your whimpers and cries to god won’t help, Kara,” she berates, “this isn’t about you.” 

Kara goes to question her motives, but Cat quickens her pace instead and doesn’t let the woman get a coherent word out. She slips in a second finger, scissoring them inside her along with her thrusts. 

“I want to fill you,” Cat rasps, resting her forehead on Kara’s pubic bone, “I want to make you ache and remember it was me who did this. Lena Luthor could never fuck you like I can.” 

She takes Kara’s clit into her mouth, lapping at it as she slips a third and final finger into the woman writhing beneath her. 

“You’re so tight, Kara,” she mumbles against Kara’s skin, “so tight and so wet. All for me.”

Kara nods, “All for you, Cat,” she responds, “for you and only you.” 

“That’s right, baby,” she thrusts as hard as she possibly can into the Kryptonian, “all of this is mine.” 

She gasps, feeling her clench around her fingers, and uses her free hand to rub her clit to help her along. “Whose pussy is this?” Cat asks, leaning up to watch Kara’s face twitch in the building of her orgasm.

“Yours,” Kara barely gets out, grabbing her own hipbone as she clashes her hips along with each thrust, “it’s yours.”

“Say it again, Kara,” she demands, “who owns this?”

“Fuck!” Kara yells, her voice straining as Cat has her way, “Cat Grant owns my pussy. She owns all of me. Every. Single. Inch.”

“Good girl. Now cum for me.” Cat sucks Kara’s clit into her mouth yet again, unleashing a full on attack against the nub as Kara slips off the edge and rides the waves of her orgasm. 

Kara shouts Cat’s name as she shakes and shivers through it all, Cat never relenting whatsoever. She watches as Kara rides her fingers until she can barely lift her hips again. She slowly slips her fingers out, one by one, causing Kara to hiss at the release of each one.

“I hate myself for loving you, you know,” Cat admits, sliding off of Kara and curls up next to her, “but I can’t imagine myself stopping, loving you I mean. That just seems physically impossible.” 

Kara, still on her extreme high, turns her head to kiss Cat’s forehead. “I’m sorry you hate yourself.”

Cat scoffs, causing Kara to beam, “I know, though. I understand, too. You are completely right to be angry or upset or anything. But, I love you. I will always love you. When everything falls away, it’s just us. Lena can’t take that.”

“You’re still in trouble,” Cat glares, “but for right now, I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yell at me:  
> twitter: @brittahkiin  
> writing tumblr: brittwritesshit.tumblr.com  
> main tumblr: brittahkiin.tumblr.com
> 
> like what you read? help me by supplying me with caffeine! ko-fi.com/brittahkiin


	2. worship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the morning after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i promised some karlena somewhere but i accidentally really fell into Supercat oh my god. so here's part two of I Hate Myself For Loving You, i hope Kara redeemed herself for everyone :p

Cat awoke, startled into consciousness when she remembered everything that happened. She squints at the alarm clock on the bedside table. 11:23am. 

Shit.

Cat Grant never sleeps in.

She tears the blankets off herself, noting she’s still wearing the lacey number from last night. Puzzled, she touches Kara’s side of the bed to find it empty. She tsks to herself and sleepily shuffles out of bed and dresses herself in her usual morning robe, barely able to keep her eyes open as she does so. She makes her way to the bathroom, tying the robe securely over her hips, and snags her toothbrush out of it’s protective canister and dabs a small amount of toothpaste on the bristles. As she brushes her teeth to rid them of everything following last night, she hums while it all flows through her mind. 

_ “Whose pussy is this?” Cat asks, leaning up to watch Kara’s face twitch in the building of her orgasm. _

_ “Yours,” Kara barely gets out, grabbing her own hipbone as she clashes her hips along with each thrust, “it’s yours.” _

_ “Say it again, Kara,” she demands, “who owns this?” _

_ “Fuck!” Kara shouts, “Cat Grant owns my pussy. She owns all of me. Every. Single. Inch.” _

Cat chuckles, “At least she figured that out,” she says around her toothbrush, wiping up the foam that fell from the side of her mouth. With a rinse and spit, she secures the toothbrush back in the canister and tucks it back in the medicine cabinet. 

She rubs the back of her neck and works at her sore jaw as she walks out of the bathroom, bedroom, and out to the hallway. Did she really go that hard last night? Who could really blame her though, Cat Grant never halfasses anything and lord knows she’d never half ass putting someone in their place.

Speaking of putting someone in their place, where was Kara? Standing at the top of the staircase now, she looks down and notices the girl’s boots are still where she put them when she came home. She moistens her lips, grabbing the railing to her right, and takes a step down.

“Kara?” she asks, a wave of uncertainty swelling in her chest, “are you still here?” She inwardly cringes, upset that Kara made her feel anything other than completely sure in herself. 

As her feet hit the last step, she hears an attempt at the muffling of a kitchen cabinet shut. She turns the corner of the staircase, heading into the kitchen itself. 

There she finds Kara, completely naked, standing in front of the stove with her hair tied up in a messy bun. Cat’s heart feels like it skips a beat at the sight in front of her. The strong scent of coffee pulls her out of her hypnotization due to Supergirl’s bare ass, and she immediately grabs a coffee cup to pour herself some. 

“Good morning,” Kara singsongs, “I thought I’d let you sleep in, you deserved it at the very least. I was planning on doing breakfast in bed, but I got a little sidetracked with how confusing your coffee machine is.” 

Cat rolls her eyes, lifting her perfected cup of coffee to her nose, inhaling the heavenly aroma. Kara looks over her shoulder as she nudges a pancake in the pan in front of her with a spatula. She smiles, watching as Cat takes her first sip. 

“I hope I made it okay,” Kara rushes, “as I said, the machine is confusing and I didn’t want to wake you up to teach me how to use it.”

Cat waves her off, taking another sip. Kara nods, taking the hint, and continues on with the pancake. She flips it with ease, then slides it off the pan into the plate already stacked with other pancakes to the left of her. Switching the stove top off, she takes the full plate and places it in the middle of the kitchen table. She pulls a chair out for Cat to sit down, then quickly snags the necessary cutlery and plates for the two of them. 

Kara doesn’t sit down until after Cat does, watching the woman situate herself and relax. She pours herself a glass of orange juice from the carton in the fridge and places it next to her place at the table. 

“Don’t sit in the chair,” the first real words Cat spoke all morning to the girl, “sit on a towel or something, just don’t press yourself into my nice furniture.” 

Kara nervously laughs, pulling a clean kitchen towel from the drawer, and places it across the cushion of the chair. Cat doesn’t look up from her breakfast, pouring a little syrup on the side of her plate before cutting up a section and dipping it in. 

“Sorry about being naked,” Kara mumbles, “I wanted to hurry and cook for you.” 

As graceful as ever, Cat takes a piece of the pancake on her fork and into her mouth. Her tongue pokes out, licking at the bit of syrup that couldn’t make it along with the food. Kara’s mouth dries, watching that same tongue that caused her undoing last night, run across the corner of the woman’s mouth before disappearing again. 

Cat barely acknowledges the obvious staring, continuing on with her breakfast. Kara pushes her food about on her plate until Cat finishes hers, whisking the plate away and into the sink. Cat barely lifts a finger to even help, fully aware that Kara is in rebuild mode. 

“Thank you for the breakfast,” Kara’s eyes light up, “I’m surprised you can even cook with how many times you order out a week. I didn’t think that was a skill you had.”

“Of course!” Cat’s gaze falls on Kara yet again, watching the girl as she shifts her weight, her arms wrapping themselves around her torso as if she were hugging herself, “just trying to take care of you, is all. I love you.”

Cat swallows the last bit of coffee she has in her mug and pushes her chair out by a bit, leaning back in it. “You really do like to take care of me, don’t you?” 

Kara nods rapidly, taking a step closer to the older woman, “You’re the queen of all media, the Cat Grant,” she states, “you deserve to be treated as such.” 

“I’m glad you finally realise that,” Cat digs, Kara’s face melts from the sincere grin to disappointment.

“I do, Cat,” Kara admits, “I want to worship you, all of you. I won’t stop until every fiber of you is loved and appreciated, as you deserve.”

Cat bites a portion of her bottom lip, “Worship?” 

Kara nods yet again, placing her hand on the top of Cat’s chair just level with the woman’s shoulder, “In every single way.” 

“How would you worship me, Kara Zor-El?” 

Kara shivers at the sound of her real name falling from Cat’s lips, “I would rather show you, if you’d let me?”

Cat stands from her chair, making Kara move out of her way as she rises up. The woman gives her a once over before wrapping her arms around Kara’s waist. 

“You may,” Cat orders, “but I can stop you, no matter what. I have the veto powers.”

Kara pulls Cat with her, suddenly pinning her against the wall next to the doorway. She hesitates, making sure Cat is okay with anything she’s about to do. Cat lifts her head up and crushes their lips together, pulling Kara down to her with her arms wrapped around the girl’s neck. 

Cat catches Kara’s sneaky smile in between part of the kiss, smiling along with her as Kara’s tongue slips past Cat’s lips. Kara swallows Cat’s moans, pressing into her as she grows more passionate but not sloppy. She holds herself with dignity and respect for Cat, determined to not mess this up. 

Her hand works at the sash holding Cat’s robe closed, resisting the urge to just rip the thing to shreds. Finally pulling the knot apart with one hand, she slides underneath it and takes one of Cat’s breasts in her hand. She squeezes the flesh in her palm, feeling Cat’s nipple harden through the thin material of the bra. 

“You are beautiful,” she whispers against Cat’s lips, pulling down one of the bra straps, “the most beautiful being on this entire planet.” 

Cat bites down on Kara’s lip, trying to silence her, but Kara keeps on her path. She gently pulls at the other strap, allowing her access to the woman’s chest. 

“Your body is perfect,” she moves from Cat’s mouth, pressing kisses to her jawline and down her neck, “if we were on Krypton I would have a statue built in your honour. Everyone would know just how perfect you are.” 

A small whimper escapes from Cat as Kara twirls one of her nipples with her thumb while her hot mouth stays on her, working downward. 

“I never want to stop touching you,” Kara almost sounds like she’s begging, hoping that Cat would never tell her, “I want trace every scar, connect every freckle, love every part of you.”

Kara rubs Cat’s other nipple through her lips, the smooth, wet feel from them making it ache. She kisses it, not allowing it to fully enter her mouth. 

“You are a goddess,” Cat’s head falls back, her eyes closing as she feels the girl’s tongue darting from between her lips, enveloping the bud. She rolls it over her tongue, sucking on it as gently as she can. 

“Kara,” Cat’s breathy cry fuels Kara further, grabbing her other breast, massaging it as she works the other with her mouth. “Baby, please.” 

Cat hikes her leg up, hooking it around Kara’s hips as the girl switches from one nipple to the other, evenly appreciating them both. She rolls her hips into Kara’s, pressing herself as close as she can for the friction she’s desperate for. 

“Cat, you don’t have to beg,” Kara lifts up from the woman’s chest, moving so she can hold her head in her hands, “you just need to tell me what you want.” 

“Inside,” Cat grinds into her again, “you need to be inside of me before I ruin these further.”

Kara quickly kisses the woman’s chin, dropping her hands, and grabs the thigh Cat wrapped around her. She pulls her in, letting the woman rock into her, feeling just how soaked she is through her underwear. 

They both groan at the stimulation, Kara doing all that she can to not reciprocate as her free hand pulls the lace material to the side. Cat keeps grinding her hips, rolling them with her own set pace, internally praying to anyone listening that Kara would touch her soon.

“You are my queen,” Kara murmurs, her fingers running over the woman’s folds, brushing over her clit, “you must be treated as such.” 

With her middle finger, she slowly enters Cat to her first knuckle before pulling out entirely. Cat starts to grunt in frustration until Kara slides the finger back in, sinking the digit as deep as she possibly can. 

“More,” Cat’s voice is thick, “christ, Kara, more.”

Kara obliges, added her ring finger along inside of her girlfriend, thrusting them too slowly for Cat’s liking. Cat lifts her hips and forces all of Kara inside of her, groaning as she does. 

Kara picks her pace up, steadily hitting the the sweet spots she knows all too well, “I love you, Cat.”

Cat mumbles incoherent words, some that almost started as expletives but fizzled out halfway through. She wraps her other leg around Kara’s waist, completely supporting herself using the girl alone. Kara holds herself still by placing a hand against the wall, just next to Cat’s head. 

“Don’t forget to breathe, baby,” Kara advises, thumbing the woman’s clit. Cat takes a sharp breath, shakily letting it go as she bounces herself up and down on Kara’s fingers. Her head falls back yet again, giving her entire self to Kara. 

Kara applies more pressure to her clit, multitasking with one hand. Cat almost shrieks, digging her nails into Kara’s shoulders. She clenches around the digits inside of her, openly embracing the upcoming tidal wave Kara’s easing her towards.

“Breathe, baby,” Kara whispers, pressing kisses into her collarbone, “come on, Cat. Let me make you feel good.”

Cat wants to melt, she wants to fall away and slip through the cracks of the floorboards with how Kara’s making her feel. She’s already started to lose feeling in her legs and she doesn’t care. She rides Kara’s hand as fast and as hard as she can, Kara following her pace thrust for thrust. 

Cat’s jaw drops, a guttural cry escapes out of her as she spasms. Kara latches onto the woman’s neck, kissing and biting as the woman loses all control. She moans out, jittery and continuing her pace as her orgasm wracks her body. 

“Jesus christ,” her mouth is dry from how long it’s been open, “Kara, fuck.”

Hearing her name alone makes Kara want to burst, but she doesn’t. She holds it in and tugs each finger from Cat’s grip. She lifts her fingers to her mouth, painting Cat’s cum on her tongue before sucking them in. Cat’s lip quivers, feeling just how drenched she is from Kara’s act of worship. 

She pulls the fingers from Kara’s mouth and opens it, eager to taste herself on Kara. Kara keeps the sound desperate to come out from Cat’s act of dominance within, remembering that this is for Cat and not herself. 

As they pull apart, Cat laughs. 

Kara furrows her brow, unaware as to why Cat’s laughing. Did something happen? Did she accidentally say something? Oh no, what did she say?

“I’m your queen?” the woman asks, squeezing Kara with her thighs.

Kara offers a lopsided grin in response, lifting the woman with both of her arms. “You’ll always be my queen. No matter where we are, no matter what we do. You are my queen.”

“You’re damn right I am,” Cat declares, “Lena Luthor can bite me.” 

Kara frowns, looking up at the woman she’s carrying, “I don’t want Lena’s mouth anywhere on you. Only I can bite you.” 

“I think you’ve made it up to me, so I’ll allow it,” Kara’s sudden smug face makes Cat break out in full laughter. “You’re lucky I love you.”

“I am very lucky,” she agrees, “more than you’ll ever know.”

**Author's Note:**

> yell at me:  
> writing tumblr: brittwritesshit.tumblr.com  
> main tumblr: queerahkiin.tumblr.com


End file.
